I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
