I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
