So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
