dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
