is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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