no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
