you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
