I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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