if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
