I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
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Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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