i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
