I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
