Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
