he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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