all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
