The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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