We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
