I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone signed my nipple.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
