I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
