apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
