things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize