weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
and you fell through a lawn chair
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