She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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