fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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