just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch