Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
