Can Purell be used as lube?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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