I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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