respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
