someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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