i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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