Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
