U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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