this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
