she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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