Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
