Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
