I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my liver is dry heaving
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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