Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize