an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
