no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
