Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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