You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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