Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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