After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
