Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
