Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
