I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
