I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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