While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
