She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
this hospital has no fireball
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
