as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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