please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
