She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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