I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
