escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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