Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
