You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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