You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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