im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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