the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
