I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
