Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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