Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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