I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
