You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
