Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
