I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
